1,000,000+ Views on Discussing Dissociation


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Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

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WOW!!!!

This week we’ve done it.  The readers here at Discussing Dissociation have now made over 1,000,000 views of this blog.  Wow.   That’s amazing!!!

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1,000,000 Page Views

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And THANK YOU for coming here and reading, and for commenting, and for sharing the re-blogs and for passing articles around Facebook, Twitter, for telling your friends, etc.  I very much appreciate your interest and participation on all these different levels.  Your involvement and your comments (we have made over 4,000 comments on this blog!) makes this place so much more vibrant and interesting and alive.

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Thanks for 1,000,000 Views

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1 Million Views

A million smiles to you for your 1 million views. Thank you so very much, and please keep reading!

 

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Thank you for this spot of sunshine in my day.  I really do appreciate you all. Thank you for 1,000,000 Views

Warmly,

Kathy

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Copyright © 2008-2015 Kathy Broady MSW and Discussing Dissociation

 

 

A Painful Mother’s Day – the Cards Not Written


Kathy Broady:

Another Mother’s Day has come, and gone, much to the relief of many dissociative trauma survivors. All too many survivors of child abuse find Mother’s Day to be an extremely painful time and nothing near the Hallmark Card version of what moms are like. I must admit, I have a beautiful mother whom I deeply admire and honor. However, it breaks my heart to hear when others have had such painful years with their mothers, or un-mothers. Their lives have been forever impacted by the loss of a good mom….

How was your Mother’s Day this year?

Originally posted on Discussing Dissociation:

Painful Mother's Day

Last week, I couldn’t find the words to write about the struggles that so many dissociative survivors have on Mother’s Day.

In response to that, a dissociative survivor emailed me, and has given me permission to post their thoughts about the painful side of Mother’s Day.

Maybe you will relate to these difficult thoughts and painful feelings.

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Every year on Mother’s Day we as a society get inundated with movies about mothers, sappy Hallmark card Mother’s Day commercials, endless rounds of advertisements on ways you can show your mother that you love her by buying her something.  On Mother’s Day many churches do tributes to moms – handing out charm bracelets, giving out flowers, and preaching sermons about how families are wonderful things to have and how you need to be so thankful to your mother for raising you and putting up with you.  Mothers are celebrated as though…

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Do You have Athazagoraphobia?


Drawn by ... On deviant Art.

Drawn by rhyme-my-name.deviantart.com

Athazagoraphobia.

I have learned a new word today.

Athazagoraphobia.

Athazagoraphobia is the fear of being forgotten, ignored, or being replaced.

Athazagoraphobia.

Ooooh boy, what a powerful word that relates to intense feelings held by soooo many dissociative trauma survivors. And since abandonment and neglect is often a huge and prominent part of the trauma history, is there any wonder?

First, let’s learn more about athazagoraphobia.

Here is a quote from http://www.fearof.net :

“Athazagoraphobia is a rarely discussed phobia. It means the fear of forgetting or the fear of being forgotten or ignored. Thus, Athazagoraphobia is of two types or has dual components: it might be seen in dementia patients in their early stages (or patients suffering from other medical conditions where memory loss occurs) where they fear forgetting their own identity and other things. Alternatively, it may be seen in spouses or caregivers of Alzheimer’s/dementia patients where the individuals believe their loved ones will forget them eventually, (or that they would be forgotten after the loved one has passed). It may even be triggered in the childhood where one has been left alone or been ignored for long periods of time.

It is a surprising fact that this phobia, while rarely reported, is actually quite a common phobia.

Causes of Athazagoraphobia

As stated before, the fear of being forgotten can arise in childhood if the individual has been left alone or has been ignored for a long time. Many sufferers of this phobia report feeling “inconsequential or unsubstantial” due to the feelings they undergo when left alone.

Medical reasons, particularly dementia and Alzheimers’ etc can also trigger the fear of forgetting things. Often, family members of people with conditions like amnesia or memory loss fear being forgotten by the patient.

Thus, the disorder has two distinct components: fear of being forgotten and the fear of forgetting. In general, doctors believe that a combination of medical/genetic issues and negative traumatic past incidents are the likely causes of Athazagoraphobia.

Symptoms of Fear of Being Forgotten Phobia

People with the fear of being forgotten phobia tend to have low self esteem and self confidence. Often, such people are inherently introverted, depressed or tend to lack the ability to interact normally in society. They are, by nature, shy and passive. At the same time, it is difficult for the person as s/he undergoes deep turmoil thinking repeatedly of “simply fading into oblivion”.”

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Athazagoraphobia  Ok. Big word, powerful meaning.  I certainly understand how this fear significantly relates for those suffering from Alzheimer’s or dementia.  However, it would be no surprise to me if many dissociative trauma survivors of long term, chronic abandonment and neglect also developed such phobia.

Here is additional information, as written on http://www.mostcommonphobias.com :

“Athazagoraphobia is the morbid and irrational fear of being forgotten. This does not refer to those who, for example, get stood up on a date, or have canceled plans. Rather, people with Athazagoraphobia are honestly afraid that people will ignore or forget that they even exist. They will also have an extreme fear of abandonment, although they are not the exact same phobia.

Symptoms of Athazagoraphobia

Symptoms will vary from person to person, simply because not everyone is alike and they differ on state of mind, level of fear, and many other personality characteristics. However, general symptoms include anxiety when making plans, anxiety when waiting on someone or something, over-attachment to people and objects emotionally, and constantly reminding others of plans or contacting them excessively.

People with Athazagoraphobia often also suffer from Obsessive-compulsive tendencies, especially when making plans with another person. For instance, they will need to plan out exact times and places, as well as have an established routine or schedule that must be followed exactly.

Now, if someone with Athazagoraphobia is, for instance, stood up, the other person arrives late, etc. a panic attack may set in. Panic attack symptoms include rapid heart beat, chest pain, difficulty breathing, weakness, fainting, dizziness, feeling a loss of control, tingling or numbness in the hands or fingers, excessive sweating, and chills.

Causes of Athazagoraphobia

Phobias are most often caused by some sort of trauma, which usually occurs during childhood but can occur at any stage in life. For example, if a child is abandoned, either a parent or parents leave or they are put up for adoption, they may be led to fear being forgotten. Also, someone who is stood up on a date or other event, any number of times, could develop the fear of being forgotten.

The presence of other psychological disorders or phobias could also be to blame. Again, the fear of abandonment is another phobia that occurs with the phobia of being forgotten. Also, while Athazagoraphobia could cause Obsessive-compulsive tendencies, the reverse is also possible. Obsessive-compulsive disorder sufferers need an exact schedule or routine and will often fear that something will get messed up, out of place, or out of order in this process.

Athazagoraphobia also does not necessarily have to have a direct cause. Nobody wants to be forgotten. Some people just fear this more than others, and maybe on an extreme level like those with Athazagoraphobia.

Treatment of Athazagoraphobia

Therapy, although it does not work for everyone, is a great first step option in understanding and treating Athazagoraphobia. Social or group therapy is especially helpful for these people, since it allows them to see that many people will not forget them and are there to be loving and supportive. Family therapy or relationship counseling also serve this purpose.

Medication is available to treat the anxiety that comes with this phobia. Furthermore, it is helpful during panic attacks. Medication can also treat other symptoms of panic attacks, such as chest pain or breathing difficulties.

Lastly, it is extremely important for friends, family, and those who make plans with an individual suffering from Athazagoraphobia to stick to a plan. They need to make a conscious effort to not cancel these plans or forget about them. Eventually, over time, the person with Athazagoraphobia will learn to build trust in those around them.”

 

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Being Forgotten

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Has this been helpful information for you?   When I read it, I knew I had to share this information with the readers of this blog.  Many of you may be very familiar with the intense emotional pain felt and expressed in this fear.

What are your thoughts and comments about athazagoraphobia?

Do you relate in any way?

Please know I’m thinking of you, and wishing you the best in your healing journey.

You are not forgotten.

Warmly,

Kathy

Copyright © 2008-2015 Kathy Broady MSW and Discussing Dissociation

What Do You Think about Violence?


Violence on the News

Violence.

What do you think about violence?

It’s everywhere in our world. As I’m writing this, there are news headlines about violence and riots in Baltimore Maryland. There have been violent racial riots in St. Louis Missouri making headlines for months. White police have been shooting innocent black men. A black teenager in Oklahoma shot and killed an innocent white Australian man. My news channel just showed a clip proposing that women need to take self defence classes as a basic health requirement. Child abuse, domestic violence, bullying adolescents to death, flogging attacks in social media, women being murdered, men dying in wars, cruelty to animals, convicted drug criminals getting executed in Indonesia, pedophiles abducting and killing children — violence of all forms is mentioned in the news over and over and over.

Ugggh.

Frankly, I despise the violence found in this world.

I realize we as people will always disagree and have opposing opinions and various perspectives. That’s fine. We don’t have to agree. We can each hold true to our own beliefs and preferences. To each his own.

So do we really have to hurt each other when we have different opinions? Do we have to hit? Kick? Punch? Kill? Assault? Rape? Attack? Destroy? Go to war?

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Domestic Violence

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I don’t think so. I don’t see the glory or the pleasure in beating someone else up. In my opinion, it’s just flat out wrong to purposefully hurt someone else, “just because you can”. I find that containing and restricting violent criminals is absolutely necessary. If someone refuses to stop hurting others, then remove his or her option of being around others. The criminals can go beat each other up and let the rest of us live in peace and safety. Go take your violent self away from everyone else. Just get outta here and leave the rest of us alone!

If it was only that simple.

I obviously don’t have the answer for how fix to this world problem. I’m venting my disgust about all the ways people choose to “solve” their personal struggles by hurting someone else, by beating down someone else, in some form or another.

It seems to me that it’s a personal choice on whether to be violent or not.

Stand up for yourself, yes. But purposefully attack someone? No.

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Stop the Abuse

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Life gets stressful, absolutely. Surely we can all learn how to solve our problems without hitting someone else in the process.

That message is directed to internal dissociative parts as well. Please don’t hit or hurt each other in your internal worlds. Your inside world no longer has to be filled with the violent ways of the external world. I understand that many insiders repeat the ways they were taught to behave by their violent perpetrators. However, now that you are becoming your own self and an adult out here in the external world, you can make your own guidelines for your internal world. If you disagree with a violent world, be consistent, and apply your principles of peace towards yourselves as well.

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Here are 5 thoughts to consider:

  • If you need to quiet a crying child, comfort them gently, don’t hit them.
  • If you need to release some stress, try exercising, or drawing, or talking about it. Don’t hit someone else. And don’t hurt your own self either.
  • If you have strong beliefs, live your life accordingly. Accept that other people will have their own strong beliefs. Respect each other. Don’t force someone to pretend they believe what you believe.
  • If someone else is abusing you, find ways to get away from them. It’s ok and even necessary to leave your abuser. You don’t have to stay close to anyone that purposefully hurts you.
  • If you don’t like what’s happening in your life, replace the negative with something you like much better. Your life can be filled with as much beauty as you can put in it. Purposefully surround yourself with peace, beauty, goodness, calm.

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In my opinion, if you specifically spend time day filling your life with things that create a genuine smile on your face and in your heart, you will be getting closer to living a life filled with peace and happiness. I like that idea.

Personally, I much prefer puppies over violence.

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Silver Kelpie Puppy

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What do you think?

Warmly,

Kathy

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Copyright © 2008-2015 Kathy Broady MSW and Discussing Dissociation

DID Trauma Survivors and Getting Support from Other People – or not?


Kathy Broady:

Feeling lonely? Feeling isolated?
This article addresses some helpful ideas for getting helpful support.

Originally posted on Discussing Dissociation:

Listening to each other

As the show, “United States of Tara” is gradually starting to demonstrate, survivors with Dissociative Identity Disorder have friends and family members that offer varying levels of support:

  • Those that find dissociative trauma survivors to be really good, kind, decent, and wonderful people, and will stand by them faithfully.
  • Those that genuinely love and support and accept them even though the DID survivors can be all kinds of weird and “nutty” and difficult.
  • Those that get angry and upset with them because DID survivors can be all kinds of weird and “nutty” and difficult.
  • Those that believe and support the trauma and abuse history of the DID survivor.
  • Those that do not believe that the DID survivor was abused at all.
  • Those that believe the multiplicity, are comfortable with a variety of alter parts presenting, acknowledge the switching as a very real thing and a natural part of DIDer’s life.

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Child Parts – When They Hold Suicidal Power and Influence


Kathy Broady:

Hello Everyone,

Finding gentle comfort, solace, and support when hurting is a key element to your healing.
Here is a difficult but important topic — suicidal child parts within the dissociative system. The original article has over 30 comments. Your thoughts and opinions on this topic are welcomed too.
Stay safe, and please do help your internal children to be safer too!
Warmly,
Kathy

Originally posted on Discussing Dissociation:

Angry Children

We’ve had some very interesting discussions on the “What do you think about Suicide?” blog article.  Thank you to everyone who writes and comments on this blog – your participation is valued and appreciated.

One of the topics that surfaced on that thread is the idea that trauma survivors with Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID/MPD)  may have child parts within their system that can be suicidal, and that the ability to control the suicidal behavior of these child parts seems overwhelmingly difficult, even for the adults of the dissociative system.

I’d like to write an official response to that.

Typically, one thinks of child parts as a permanently young child – an inside part that holds the trauma memories, feelings, rememberings, and experiences that happened when the body was of a young chronological age.  These child parts act like children, think like children, reason like children.  Their thinking is…

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Losing Someone I Love from an Overdose


My tall son with his dear dear friend, Gary.

My tall son with his dear dear friend, Gary.

. This is a sad, sad, oh so very very sad week in my household.

On Monday, we said goodbye to a very dear young man, only 27 yrs old, a young man that had been my neighbor and “second son” for many years.

This young man was one of my son’s best friends, my son’s dearest childhood pal. “Way back when,” he lived next door from us for at least five years, but he has been included as part of our extended family unit ever since, no matter where in the world he lived, or we lived.    Justin, Gary, and Shay

His middle name was Payne, and unfortunately, his personal life was full of pain. He experienced all sorts of family troubles, family dysfunction, abandonment, and loss. I had hoped and believed that semi-adopting him into our family, welcoming with wide-open arms for 20 yrs, would help fill the gap in his family wounded-ness.

Maybe we helped, but yet his pain was too great.  Chemical addictions lied to him, and sadly complicated so many already complicated life complications.

He felt discouraged, lost, hopeless. It breaks my heart to know he felt so down about himself when he had so many talents and abilities. He was intelligent, charming, witty, and full of fun. There was never a dull moment when my little “Gerkins” was around.

He will be dearly missed. And I will always and forever always love that young man.  As will my son, who will never ever have another friend like Gary.  My heart truly breaks for him too.

It’s just so sad.  So very very sad.

The official statement is that we lost this beautiful young man due to an accidental overdose.  And of course, that is possible.  Still tragic, regardless.

Unfortunately, suicidal feelings are very common.

Many dissociative trauma survivors I know have also lost someone they knew and loved to suicide. For that matter, most dissociative trauma survivors I know have had some very close calls with intense suicidal feelings and have made various suicide attempts.

For my neighbor-son, his depression and personal struggles overtook him. He couldn’t see his worth, his beauty, his talents. He began thinking and believing the world would be better without him.  Whether he meant to take his life, or whether he desperately wanted some temporary relief through drugged-out numbness — either way — his pain was too great for him to carry any longer. And he ddn’t see his own worth in the middle of it all.

Nothing could be further from the truth.  He was and will always be precious.

We all can hold a place of beauty, worth, and value. If you are struggling with suicidal feelings, don’t believe the lies of darkness. Your life will have more worth than you realize.

My Scary Gary “Gherkins” didn’t understand this.  And now, there are many of us in this world who will always carry pain in our heart for him.

Please don’t take chances so close to the edge of life and death.

Please don’t chose suicide.

Please don’t.

Just don’t.

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With so so so much sadness,

Kathy

A little gang if childhood friends all grown up. My son, and my second-son on the far right.

A little gang of fun-loving childhood friends all grown up. My son, and my second-son on the far right. Oh, and my third and fourth sons too. :)

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Me, standing between my son, and my second-son.  And another childhood friend.  I sure do love these boys, now men.

Me, standing between my son, and my second-son. And another childhood friend. I sure do love these boys, now men.

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My son, and my other neighbor-son.  Such dear friends for 20 years. We will miss you forever.

My son, and my other neighbor-son. Such dear friends for 20 years.
We will miss you forever.

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Copyright © 2008-2015 Kathy Broady MSW and Discussing Dissociation

Reclaiming the Holidays


Kathy Broady:

It’s Easter weekend. Do you need some ideas for how to make your weekend better for your insiders?
This article can give you lots of ideas of pleasant things to do.
Remember…. You all gave had far tooooooo much abuse already. Do some kind and fun things with each other!

I’m thinking of you all….
Warmly,
Kathy

Originally posted on Discussing Dissociation:

Having fun with Rainbow Birds!

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Do you remember the DiscussingDissociation article from December 2008 called “Holidays for DID Trauma Survivors… Making it Nice for the Littles”?

If you have not yet read that article, please check it out.  It was written in reference to holidays during the Christmas season, but the points are still very much applicable today on Easter, and during Passover.

We have seen the numerous comments from people about how the Spring time holidays are difficult, painful, emotionally challenging, etc.  I have been listening to dissociative trauma survivors for many years, and that is a consistent theme for survivors with DID/MPD.

While you cannot change the past, you can make a few things happen that will help you to feel better in the present.

At some point that works for you — don’t put this off forever! – do the memory work that is connected to the pain you…

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Happy Easter – If not now, then soon.


Kathy Broady:

Hello Everyone,

It’s soon to be Easter weekend, one of the most difficult weekends for many dissociative trauma survivors. Please know that I am thinking of you. There are several Easter-related articles on this blog…. Please use the search feature to search through the years to find the different articles written specifically for a time like this.

Make preparations and plans ahead of time that will help you get through this week as easily as possible. You can make this the safest and calmest Easter weekend you’ve ever had. What do you need to do now to make it easier for you and your insiders in a few days from now?

I hope to write more soon.
I wish the best for you all.
Warmly,
Kathy

Originally posted on Discussing Dissociation:

Lilyponds For dissociative trauma survivors, it can be hard to see the beauty of Spring when everything feels so black.

Hello Everyone –

pretty flowers I found just walking around one spring day…

How are you?

I’ve had another few weeks of extremely limited internet time, but it is Easter weekend, and I wanted to come and say a quick hello to you all.

I am aware that this is a very difficult weekend for many of you….  “Happy Easter” is more of an oxymoron than a reality for all too many of you.

For those of you that relate to that, I want you to know that I am thinking of you, and remembering that you are having struggles.  And flashbacks.  And body memories.  And fights against worlds full of darkness, experiencing that conflict from both inside and out.

Please remember:  no matter what you’ve seen in your prior years…

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